


The Selfless Choice

by Stonyinspirationwriter



Category: The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Abandonment, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotionally Hurt Steve, Emotionally Hurt Tony, F/M, Feelings of Abandonment, Female Tony, Female Tony Stark, Genderswap, Heavy Angst, Male Pepper Potts, Secret Child, Secret pregnancy, Secrets, Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov Friendship, Steve Rogers Feels, Stony - Freeform, Superhusbands (Marvel), Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unresolved Emotional Tension, hidden child, iron woman - Freeform, original child character - Freeform, stony au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-02
Updated: 2016-10-02
Packaged: 2018-08-19 02:17:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8185225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stonyinspirationwriter/pseuds/Stonyinspirationwriter
Summary: "Steve was happy for her. He would be happy for her. Life without Toni was inconceivable, and letting her go will be the death of him. He sincerely believed that however many multiple universes were in existence there wasn’t a single universe where Steve Rogers didn’t have Toni Stark at his side. But that’s what you did when you loved someone, right? You let them go."After a long absence Steve returns to find that Toni has moved on with Pepper and the two now have a child together.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Female “Toni” Stark / Natasha Stark (using “Toni” as to not confuse Natasha Stark with Romanoff for story purposes) and a male Pepper Potts. While I have no problem with regular pepper being with a female Toni, this however is something I’ve wanted to explore.

Steve’s world tilted and swayed. The painful ache in his chest was sudden and equivalent to the sensation of being punched. An invisible hand seized his throat in a vice like grip, cutting off his air and creating a blockage of emotion.

“A baby…” Steve murmured for the second time, swallowing back the heavy emotion knotting his throat. Toni quietly nodded, the expression on her face apologetic.

Steve lightly gripped the sides of the table, struggling against his racing thoughts to comprehend the image before him.

The baby boy in the photograph is mid-crawl, the light of the sun illuminating his blonde hair and setting it ablaze into a golden fire. His big brown eyes–the exact shade as Toni’s– focused on the photographer with an adoration a child solely reserves for its mother, which was paired with a dopey, unabashed grin on his face.

He was adorable, and under different circumstances his grin may have been infectious. He was beautiful, even. Of course he was, he was a part of Toni.

A baby. 

Toni had a baby.

Toni was a mother. 

She had given birth to Pepper’s child. She shared a child with Pepper. It was all too much.

The moment Steve had read about Toni and Pepper’s engagement he had known that the world he had grown accustomed to–had believed was still waiting for him–no longer existed. But even when presented with reality, a part of him had held onto what he now in hindsight deemed as a narcissistic hope. A fool’s hope.

This fool’s hope was all he had had to keep him warm all those months during all those long lonely nights. It fueled the delusion that he’d one day hold Toni in his arms again.  
He’d see Toni again and she’d immediately break her engagement to Pepper. It was an entirely selfish thought, but Toni had been the one that had immediately reached out to him.

Natasha had tried to warn him. She had said that things were far more complicated than he realized.

“The circumstances have changed”, she had warned, taking his hands in hers. “Toni’s changed.”  
“You’re one of the closest people in the world to me.” The severity in her eyes had dimmed with remorse. “I know you. I know you base your choices on what you believe is right, and what you believe would best serve everyone. But as learned, the right thing–the selfless choice–very rarely aligns with what we want for ourselves.”

She had refused to further elaborate. Before leaving she had given him a reassuring hug and that she would be available if he needed someone to talk to.

At the time Steve had believed Natasha was strictly referring to the engagement, but a baby? He understood why she hadn’t felt it was her place to tell him, but if she had then maybe he could have been prepared.  
Been prepared how, exactly? Was there a guide book out there that taught you how to prepare for something like this?

The addition of a baby irrevocably changed everything. That child now served as the impenetrable bond between Toni and Pepper.

Steve berated himself now for having been arrogant enough to believe that Toni would wait for him. That she’d simply forgive him for all the pain he had caused. Forgive him for having no choice but to leave her behind. Most of all, forgive him for not regretting, or wavering his stance on the choice he had made–even though it was what had seemingly damaged their relationship beyond repair.

Now, just like before, his future had been stolen from him. First with what he had believed had been a certain thing with Peggy, and now with Toni. Only this time he couldn’t place the blame on being frozen for seventy years. He had been awake.  
And what he had had with Toni that he hadn’t with Peggy was time.

“Your eyes”, Steve croaked. To hide his slip he quickly faked a cough and then cleared his throat.  
Toni’s eyes tightened in slight confusion at the hoarseness in Steve’s voice.

“He has your eyes”, he repeated. He avoided her gaze, continuously staring until focus was lost and the image blurred.

Steve was afraid that if he were to look at her now his already fragile composer will completely shatter.

“Steve?” Toni prompted.

Steve exhaled a low, shaky breath before summoning the courage to place his only lifeline back on the coffee table. Hoping his eyes wouldn’t give him away, he braved looking her in the eye.

“Pepper must be thrilled”, Steve said doing his best to force something that at least resembled a smile but the muscles in his face wouldn’t comply.

An image of Pepper and Toni with their son flashed across his mind. He pictured Pepper acknowledging his presence with a smug smile before turning back to his happy little family. What should have been his family. At the very thought he experienced surge of anger and clenched his jaw against it.

She stands stoic, her lips pressed into a grim line. Her arms are protectively wrapped around her as though she was physically holding her body together.  
In the years Steve had known her he could not easily recall a time where Toni Stark wasn’t in constant motion. She was always designing or tinkering or fidgeting with something. Seeing her like this was unnerving.

Despite her small stature, Toni always had an air about her that exuded strength and confidence. It served as her armor outside of the Iron Woman armor–her emotional armor. It was a defense mechanism that Steve had learned to see through, no matter how well she attempted to hide behind her invisible armor. Now there was an extensive fissure on her armor that left her vulnerable, and Steve had this instinctive need to protect her.

Unconsciously, he leans forward, the tips of his fingers reaching for someone that isn't his to protect.  
Toni recoils, her eyes turning wary and he stills himself with a melancholy sigh.

Why did Toni seem so frightened? Was she anticipating another reaction? Toni frightened of him? Did she really believe he’d ever harm her? Didn’t she know how much he loved her?  
They held each other’s eyes for a few moments until it proved too much for Steve and he was forced to look away. A frustratingly long stretch of silence followed.

“What am I doing here?” The voice that finally escaped Steve’s lips sounded hollow and far beyond jaded that it made the sentence sound like a surrender.

Toni jumped at the sound of his voice. The now dazed expression on her face swiftly replaced with apprehension.

“I thought you should know”, Toni conceded in a wispy voice.

“Thanks.” He had meant for it sound genuine but the tone instead had been condescending.

Then as if a switch had been flicked on. The energy of the room suddenly shifted, and something appeared to have been activated.

“Damn it, Steve!” Toni suddenly snapped, her voice strained. “You left”, she accused. “You left of your own volition and I didn’t know if you were coming back!”

“I couldn’t stay”, Steve lamented, lowering his gaze to the wooded floor. “I just couldn’t.”  
Toni shook her head and waved her hand in a silencing motion.

“Nope. Not true. Don’t even try that bullshit”, Toni threatened. “We would have figured something out.”

“You know that if I stayed they would have killed you, Toni!” Steve snapped, his voice bubbling with emotion. “ And there was no way I was going to sit by and wait for it to happen.”

Steve’s head was spinning. A whirlwind of imagery and emotion bursting out of the mental compartments where they had previously been so carefully tucked away.

“ I don’t need your protection”, Tony said derisively. “I never have. I never will.” Her eyes held no warmth as they bore into his.

“I know you don’t”, Steve admitted, his tone dejected. “This has nothing to do with your capability.”  
They had had several arguments like this before. She wouldn’t just fucking get it through her head that he wasn’t going to stop. Not ever.

“I needed you, you stupid asshole!” Toni cried. A tear escapes Toni’s eye and Steve watches as it trails down her cheek. She shuts her eyes against her tears. “I’m not my mother, Steve. I wasn’t gonna waste my life on a delusion. “No.” She shakes her head. “I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.”

Steve remembers Toni telling him that Maria had wasted her life waiting for the allegedly warm and sweet Howard she had fallen in love with would one day return. 

“Pepper was here”, Toni continued. “He’s always been there when I needed him. He wouldn’t leave.” She then releases a sound that’s partly a gasp and a sob. “Jesus Christ, Steve! I didn’t even know if you were even alive! Do you know how that fuckin feels?”

Steve is drowning. He’s drowning all over again. He’s drowning and he needs a lifeline. And there she is, bobbing up and down in his wavering vision with an anger too hot to be drowned.

The tears spill over, stinging and rolling down his cheeks.

The last time he had cried he had been lying in a pool of his own blood and had believed that he was going to die without getting to see Toni one final time.

“I couldn’t risk it”, Steve sobbed. “I couldn’t risk contact.” He swallows. “You have no idea how much I wanted to. I missed you so damn much that it hurt. Seeing you--seeing you again, was all I had to keep me going. God, I love you so much it actually hurts!”

Like two magnets they come together and meet in each other’s arms. He’s holding her again for the first in so long and it’s all so overwhelming. He’s crying on her shoulder. She’s sobbing into his chest and he could feel hot tears soaking through the fabric, wrecking her petite frame as they grasp onto each other for dear life. 

Steve presses kisses to her head, whispers sentiments into her ear; a continuous string of apologies and I love yous interspersed with Toni’s quiet reprimands. I want you to be happy, Steve assured her. Please be happy.

Steve was happy for her. He would be happy for her. Life without Toni was inconceivable, and letting her go will be the death of him. He sincerely believed that however many multiple universes were in existence there wasn’t a single universe where Steve Rogers didn’t have Toni Stark at his side. But that’s what you did when you loved someone, right? You let them go.

Toni finally had the family she dreamt of as a child but had perceived as impossible as an adult. Now she had Pepper and a baby and she’d never have to worry about being alone ever again. She was better off without him.  
Natasha had said it best: The selfless choice rarely aligns with what we want for ourselves.

This will be the last time he’ll ever hold her again. He had to let her go.

Steve’s unsure how long they stood there until their breathing slowed and their sobs turned into sniffles.

“You didn’t ask me”, Toni murmured after a long silence. She pulls away from him then, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand. Steve furrows his bro in bewilderment, arms now empty and falling uselessly at his side without her, his body aching for the warmth of the contact. “You never ask me his name”, Toni clarified, brown eyes dimmed with fatigue.

Steve is then reminded of the nameless, smiling baby boy from the photograph.

‘Jamie’, Toni stated. “James after Rhodey.” His middle name after his father. Toni closes her eyes for a moment and takes a steadying breath. She looks at him with determination. “His name is James Steven Stark-Rogers.”

Time stops. The air is molasses, and Steve is caught in the sticky substance. The information slowly slips in, illuminating his eyes like two dark blue beacons.

Toni’s expression is solemn, her eyes cautiously flickering across his face to gauge his reaction.

“Wha?” 

Toni nods her head in confirmation. “He’s yours, Steve.”

His mind flashes back to that last day they were together. Toni had been unaware of his plans, and Steve remembers watching Toni with a quiet resolve as she rambled on about a new project. They’d been seated together on the pink love seat–it’s not pink, it’s magenta, Toni would argue–in the suite they had shared.

Steve hadn’t been listening to a word she was saying, but instead taking in the way her eyes lit up with excitement, and the exaggerated hand motions that accompanied every word; the way the blue arc reactor glowed beneath her black tank top; the way her red-painted lips curved into a smile; the way his heart pounded for her, and how she continued to make him love her a little more every day. 

Steve remembered the struggle he faced pretending that this was just like any other day instead of an indefinite goodbye. Even as he faked a smile his inner emotions clashed like waves. He could have chosen to stay, taken the gamble and rolled the dice and hope for the best. If he didn’t love her as much as he did–if he valued his life over hers, Steve may have been willing to take that risk.

He hadn’t been able to help himself from kissing her mid-conversation. He kissed her fervently, committing the her lips and mouth to memory, and when he had pulled away to apologize for interrupting her, Toni had then silenced him by grabbing the front of his shirt and pulling his mouth back to hers.

Their bodies fit beautifully together, moving in perfect synchronization to the thrumming of their heartbeats. The taste and warmth of bare skin, and the pressure of finger tips. The hitching of breath and the various sounds of pleasure elicited from parted lips. An unbridled ecstasy followed by the haze of euphoria.

Steve used his body to convey all the unexpressed emotions and unspoken words that time wouldn’t permit. Even with more time—even if they had the luxury of the rest of their lives, he’d never be able to accurately express his love for Toni.

What greater testament of love, though, was there than the actuality of laying down your life for that person.

Steve wasn’t afraid of death. He’d unflinchingly die for those he loved. He would be dying for Toni, for his friends, and he couldn’t think of a greater purpose for his life.

Steve hadn’t known then that the greatest thing to have sprung from their love had been created that final night. 

Steve is shaking his head in disbelief as he takes a few steps back in alarm. He opens his mouth to speak but his voice caught in his throat, and nothing but an inaudible, breathy stutter leaves his lips.  
Toni’s speaking but her voice is muffled by the pounding in his ears. His breathing becomes labored and his lungs are starving for air, vividly reminding him of his pre-serum years as an asthmatic. Every part of him was screaming breathe! but his lungs had betrayed him.

Somehow he manages to ease himself onto the couch without stumbling backwards, and he is hunched forward with his face buried in his hands. Toni is seated beside him, her hand resting awkwardly on his back in a futile attempt for comfort.

“It was safer to hide the truth”, Toni went on to explain. “The pregnancy—the world would know he was yours, and every psycho would be lining up outside the tower. I’ve been fortunate to have kept his existence a secret for this long, but I obviously can’t do it forever, people are bound to find out. It’d be incredibly difficult to one day have to come up with a story that will explain the presence of a teenage boy that doesn’t make me out to be a cradle robber.” He can hear the hint of a smile in her voice.

Releasing a long drag of air through his nose, Steve removes his hands from his face. “You’re going to name Pepper as the biological father”, Steve stated, clouded blue eyes fixed ahead. Toni’s hand leaves his back still not facing her, Steve silently waits. 

“You weren’t here, Steve”, Toni reiterates. “Peppers been there for us. He wants to adopt Jamie. Being the son of Toni Stark already puts a target on his back as is. Can you imagine adding Captain America to his parentage?”

“I’m not Captain America”, Steve quietly objected. “Haven’t been for a while.” Steve straightens his back and turns to face her. “How is he??Does he have—?” Steve hesitates. “Is he healthy?” 

“Yeah”, Toni affirmed, nodding her head. “He’s healthy. He’s perfect, actually”, she fondly adds, the corners of her mouth turning up. “He’s a little genius.”

Steve couldn’t help but chortle at that. Of course he would be. He’s smart just like his mother. He feels the warning prick of tears once again. 

He had a son. A healthy, smiling, genius of a baby boy. 

Steve picks up the Stark tablet from the coffee table in front of him. The pass code screen appears. “Are there anymore pictures?” Steve asked. “Of Jamie?”  
Saying his son’s name feels as unnatural on his tongue as the concept of having a son does in his mind. 

“Oh boy, do I?”, Toni says with a watery laugh. Her eyes are still red and glassy but the question seems to have brought some relief. 

She takes the Stark Pad and scoots closer to him so her leg is resting against his, and her cheek nearly brushing against his cheek. Together they scroll through the large quantity of pictures, Toni explaining the memory attached to each photograph while Steve quietly marvels at his son. 

Their son.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Please comment so I know what you think!


End file.
